"I Heard It Said"

1
A roaring river
is the shorest distance
between two places.
Once you got up the guts or necessity
to throw yourself into its flow
it took you to the next town
in a fraction of the time
it would have taken
if you had walked
or been running for your life.

2
No one looked as good
with her clothes off
as Helen from Troy.
I've seen men trade their tractors
sell their last hunting rifles
for a peek that proved
the man who started the rumor
as right as anything
in the Bible.

3
It's a sin to tell a lie
even if it gets you laid
or paid in full.
I'm still waiting
for lightning to strike
me dead or regretful
for those satisfactions.

4
Jesus is Lord
despite the flesh wounds
that even resurrection couldn't heal.
He appeared to his followers
like a mirage in the desert
40 days after the hanging.
By then most of his friends
had new lives going
identical to the old ones
he interrupted.

5
Don't believe what you read in the papers.
The truth is what suits someone's purpose--
someone who's got big plans for you
and bigger plans for himself.

6
Love your neighbor
as you would yourself.
I gave that advice a try
and offered my wife for his.
If you want to know what happened next
go back to the first poem
and pray you're a good swimmer.

--David Federman, February 28, 2014