1
The Gospels give at least three sensible reasons
To follow Jesus:
The sermons
The miracle cures
The all-you-can-eat fish fries.
They give a fourth one--
Resurrection--
But that never made sense to me
Since I caught what they called
His “second coming”
Back by popular demand
At least a dozen times.
No need for him
To come out of
Retirement
Once he stopped
Touring.
By then
There had to be
A second Beatle.
2
Look, the man said some gifted things,
Some of them as hard as diamond
And impossible to chew on.
Sink your teeth into
“Resisteth not evil.”
Try keeping your dentures intact with
“If thine eye offend thee
Pluck it out.”
3
If Jesus catches cold
His followers will tell you
He’s only being human
For a moment.
4
One good turn deserves another, right?
So if God could become Man
At his theoretical best
Couldn’t those who believe in Him
Return the favor
And start acting the same
Of at least comparably?
After all, if God is anything
He's a role model.
5
Moses left his people alone
For 40 days
To learn how
To take dictation.
When he returned
They had already forgotten
The simple things
He had taught them.
What's funny is that he thought
The time was long overdue
For some serious teaching.
6
By the time Jesus came along
The priests knew better
Than to leave him alone
For even a few hours
To attain final knowledge.
Forget Sinai.
Using the sawed-off mountain top
of the molehill called Calgary
Was risking too much.
Not without restraint
And heavy surveillance.
Nearly 2000 year later
the Son of God
Still Hangs
As dead as a doornail
In his followers’ homes
Under strict house arrest.
7
It’s a mystery
Why anyone would leave a man
Nuts enough
Or with guts enough
To call himself a messiah
Nailed to a cross
And left to die.
Asked why they didn’t intervene
To save their teacher
Several followers answered,
"If he’s who he says he is
He’ll come back down to earth
In a matter of minutes
And have his father
Smite the shitheads
Who did this to him."
When that didn’t happen,
Some swore they heard him
Promise a rain date
For any reckoning required
To teach those faithless bastards a lesson.
8
Call it blasphemy
To laugh at elevating a lynching
To holy murder
For a worthy cause
And a worthier effect.
Call it ignorance
To think a blood-stained corpse
A gift from God.
Call it stupidity
To think the victim
Of such shabby treatment
Would want a second chance
To make the same mistake.
Call it wisdom
To suppose the real Jesus
Would quote Melville's Bartleby
To suppose the real Jesus
Would quote Melville's Bartleby
And tell both God and Man
"I prefer not to."
--David Federman, July 15, 2019
